some days are rougher than others

[joegoda]

My brother Sam moved today. Or moved partially. He called me about 11 am to give him a hand, and of course, how could I refuse. Family is family.

I found that today, I could not move as well as I would have liked. I was more tired than I should have been. I only lasted for about 3 hours. I don't know what is wrong. Maybe I just need sleep. Sometimes I worry I'm getting older.

Course, it was also a rather rough day emotionally for me. Old ghosts kept popping up. I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and for some reason, I just started crying. No particular thing in the movie should have had that effect. It came unbidden, it came without thought. It just came, like an unwelcome guest carrying black roses.

I'm just writing it down here for the same reason that everyone else writes things down here. Not necessarily for sympathy, though I'm sure that motive is there. Not necessarily for anyone to even respond to. Just cuz I feel like writing it down, and so, I do. I'm at 70 thousand words on my novel, I don't feel like writing in it anymore, so I come here to write. To communicate, even if it's just archived so I can go back and read it sometime in the distant future.

Money's in short supply, but hell, that's normal for just bout everyone. So is comfort, but I suspect that's pretty much average too. Aw well. Not every night was meant to be joyous. Some nights were just made for Coffee, Contemplation, Adjustment and Acceptance.

James, old baby bro, I still miss you.

Comments

[shackrlu.livejournal.com]

*GREAT BIG HUGS* just cuz I want to.

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

Thanks, dear. I think part of it relates to a very minor episode. Part of my vision, a very little part of it, got wiped away today. That kinda interfered with the writing as well. Hmmmm.. either I'm missing vitamins or I'm just a bit stressed.

[shackrlu.livejournal.com]

Those are beginning to worry me! But I understand being stressed. It can cause many problems.

[ladyegreen.livejournal.com]

Leaves a bit of love and an orange for later.

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

My dearest Lady, I do indeed appreciate the offer. Orange is one of my favorite colors, one of my favorite smells, one of my favorite tastes when it comes in the form of sherbet or dreamsicles. The fruit though has an odd effect on me. I can chew it, but I can't swallow it. It's a psychological thing that I developed after the age of 5, because I definitely remember getting oranges and tangerines in my Christmas stocking and just loving them. Know, though, that I take it as it is meant and not the literal meaning. I had to chuckle though, knowing your love for the color and the fruit. You are a dear.

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

Many *hugs* dear. And you're *not* getting old; it's cold and the body wants to be inside being warm and cosy, not moving stuff around. That's happening here too...the 'clean the garage' thing didn't happen.

Just a coupla weeks and we'll have a lovely party with lots of goodies, fun folk and wonderfulness...hang in there!

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

Hoping I have a way to the party, m'dear. It's just one of those days, I think.

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

Oh, we'll make sure that you have a way to get here!

[abbynormalcy.livejournal.com]

Black roses are beautiful too, in their way. And sometimes brandy is just right in the coffee, for cold nights. :) *hug*

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

For a very brief moment, one season to be exact, I raised a very dark blue black rose. I was incredibly proud of it, but my hubris was not a great thing. Being about 12 years old, I didn't know that much about cross pollination, and the next season it became a very dark red. And brandy would be good, but tain't have any. The thought is nice though.

[be4u.livejournal.com]

*huggles*

[capi.livejournal.com]

*wonders how James got into Sam's moving day*

Bodies are hard to live with. One day, i won't have to worry about that any more and i like that idea. But everyone else seems to hate it, so i don't mention it much.

*heh*

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

Harry Potter was my Baby brother's favorite series of books. Rather odd for a serious fundamental, but there you have it. There was a trigger in the movie, dealing with the departed loved ones in the family. I suspect that was what it was.

Sam called after the movie, so really, moving day got into grieving day.

[capi.livejournal.com]

*points to herself*

Serious fundamental. *nods* Serious.

Wendy likes to say capi puts the FUN in fundamental. *snort*

*points to herself again*

LOVE Harry Potter.

*grin* So in this phone call, Baby Brother was discussed?

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

No Honey. I walk the earth with all the folks I've ever known inside of me. Watching Harry Potter that day just triggered a grief mech. That's all.