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Kinda Blah today
Aug. 2nd, 2004 07:10 pmIt's one of those days when the world just has a gray sort of color to it. I have a new job, a temp sort of job for 2 months, building computers and deploying them for the Cherokee Casino. There will likely be lots of over time and perhaps I'll impress them enough to keep me permanent. Then again, it's a steady paycheck for a while, and I can keep looking for something that is more permanent. Oh yeah, everyone there speaks english as a first language. I'll be traveling to Rowland and Talequah and possibly staying the night to set these things up as crunch time approaches. OT delux, with a paycheck every week. Course this week is gonna be slim.. but next week a real paycheck. Plus I'm registered with a Temp agency who might just help me find a good job.
There's a couple of things that made today a bit grayer. My brother James is not doing well. The chemo that saved his life in December quit working as well, so they switched it. The Cancer in his lymphs was growing faster than the chemo was killing it. He's losing weight again, down to 108 last Saturday, and he's reminding me every so much of my father, who got better before he got worse. Somehow I don't think it's going to be a fun Christmas.
I have a friend, Kylee, who is living with me. She and her son were kicked out of their place and I took them in. They had to have a place, you know? Kylee is 41, Bud is 14. He's a good kid, she's a good person, but sometimes I don't understand her moods. Sometimes she acts like I'm the bad guy, and I don't remember doing anything to set it off. Like today. She took me to work so that she could use my car. The guy that she was renting from or living with, yanked her auto privledges about a week before he kicked her out, so she needed a vehicle.
I had a good day, but when she showed up it was like I killed her rabbit or something. It was the silent treatment, but to her son it was all light and happiness. And to the friend she talked to on the phone, but I get the cold shoulder chill that makes my shoulders ache. Perhaps it's hormones, perhaps it's period time. I don't know. I would love to say it happens once a month for a few days, but it's mirrored. I get a friendly friend a few days a month, a warm friend for a few weeks, and the absolute coldness of a deep freeze more often than is comfortable. I don't know what the deal is, but I do know that I'm done playing superman. Every time I turn around, I learn more and more why I shouldn't be such a nice guy.
All in all, however, my life is ok. I'm fed, Life is good, and the Universe is a wonderous and wonderful place.
I just can't shake this sadness, though.
There's a couple of things that made today a bit grayer. My brother James is not doing well. The chemo that saved his life in December quit working as well, so they switched it. The Cancer in his lymphs was growing faster than the chemo was killing it. He's losing weight again, down to 108 last Saturday, and he's reminding me every so much of my father, who got better before he got worse. Somehow I don't think it's going to be a fun Christmas.
I have a friend, Kylee, who is living with me. She and her son were kicked out of their place and I took them in. They had to have a place, you know? Kylee is 41, Bud is 14. He's a good kid, she's a good person, but sometimes I don't understand her moods. Sometimes she acts like I'm the bad guy, and I don't remember doing anything to set it off. Like today. She took me to work so that she could use my car. The guy that she was renting from or living with, yanked her auto privledges about a week before he kicked her out, so she needed a vehicle.
I had a good day, but when she showed up it was like I killed her rabbit or something. It was the silent treatment, but to her son it was all light and happiness. And to the friend she talked to on the phone, but I get the cold shoulder chill that makes my shoulders ache. Perhaps it's hormones, perhaps it's period time. I don't know. I would love to say it happens once a month for a few days, but it's mirrored. I get a friendly friend a few days a month, a warm friend for a few weeks, and the absolute coldness of a deep freeze more often than is comfortable. I don't know what the deal is, but I do know that I'm done playing superman. Every time I turn around, I learn more and more why I shouldn't be such a nice guy.
All in all, however, my life is ok. I'm fed, Life is good, and the Universe is a wonderous and wonderful place.
I just can't shake this sadness, though.
