Okie doke.

[joegoda]

I went to the Orphan Thanksgiving, and was loved. It's amazing to watch my own mind go from mostly mechanical and objective to participatory and subjective. I didn't join this happy crew those years ago because I wanted to. If you ask Sherry, she pretty much had to guilt me into it for the first few times. I won't deny it. I was, and am still pretty much, not a joiner.

I went to the Thanksgiving tonight feeling pretty darn bad because I absolutely missed my family.

Yeah, I still feel bad, and am hoping that nothing I have passes on to everyone, because every one got a hug or a handshake. But you know... I had to go. I miss being loved. I miss the physical evidence of that love.

With this family, bless 'em all, it's there, folks, it's there. Heck, why am I telling you this? If you can read this, you probably already know.

But here's a thing about me you did know. Up till about 4 years ago, you would not be able to pry me out of my little apartment for love nor money. I was a hermit, tried and true. Yeah, I was lonely. Yeah, I wished I could find a spot to belong, but at the same time, I didn't trust it. Every time I had tried, I had failed. So, I just gave up.

That's why the core of me is still a cynical S.O.B. I don't like most women, and I don't like most men. There's a kajillion reasons for this, none of which I'm going into, cuz it's boring to whine about water under the bridge... specially when the problem was more than likely as much me as anything else.

Lucky me, a few unfortunate circumstances, a couple of wrong turns and I'm where I'm at now. I don't have to go looking for a spot to belong. The spot to belong came looking for me.

How cool is that? Sorry bout the cooties, though.

Comments

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

Were you planning on sleeping badly? *hugs* I'm still kinda icky, sis. Just figured I wouldn't let it get me down.

[capi.livejournal.com]

I just haven't been getting good solid sleeps, is what.

Been having to use pharmaceuticals EVERY danged night. *feh* But knowing you is doing betterer? That helps put my mind at rest. Every lil' thing like that is a huge help. ((HUG))

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

I do seem to be better, capi dear. My left ear is still pretty blocked, and sinuses are just NOT happy. Still have a small fever, but it's burning out. I been using my pharmaceuticals every night too, just to get to sleep. I don' like medicines, but I'm a using 'em now...