My rant

[joegoda]

Here's the deal.

Back in 1997, when I split up with Linda, I assumed, which makes me an ass, that she would take care of the state taxes and the fed taxes. Well, neither were done. I ended up, about 3 or 5 years ago paying the Feds about 7 thousand in back taxes and penalties. It took the state until last year to remind me that they hadn't been paid, either. They sent me a nice little State IRS note saying that I could either pay them the twelve hundred I owed them or they would take it out of my refunds. That, by the way is twelve hundred in penalties, because, according to my figures, they owed me for every years since I started working.

Since there was no way I was able to pay them the twelve hundred, I told them to take it out of my refunds. If I have ever seen twelve hundred in my hand at once, it wasn't very long and I can't remember the last time I had it.

This year I got a refund from the Feds for six dollars. Oddly, the state didn't take that.

Last week, my brother asked me if I knew of anyone that I could ask to borrow money from. Or, if I could come up with some cash myself.

See, his wife had about six outstanding warrants on her for various traffic violations. She spent a Saturday in jail until he could come up with the 570 dollars for the Bail Bondsman. I imagine they went to court and were told that they had to come up with another 840 dollars. Last Wednesday he went to one of those Payday loan places and got a 400 dollar loan.

Now, there was no way I was going to ask my friends to loan money. They take good care of me, and I think it's a crappy way to treat them to get them involved in family matters, especially where money is involved. So I wrote a check to my brother for 450.00 which was over half of what I had in the bank, and I still had outstanding checks.

I went and drew out 50.00, to tide me over until that incentive got here. I received a fed letter saying it would be here on the 5th. I'm not one to bet on money I don't have in my hand, but I figured I would take a chance just this once.

And of course, what I have always warned folks about happened. The magic money got sucked up by the Something Bads.

I was going to go to a backyard cookout at Tim's tonight. I figured I had enough gas to get me there and back, and once I deposited the check in the bank, I'd be free and clear and I'd have money to run on for the next week until my check gets here on Friday.

So much for good intentions. The road etc, etc. is paved with 'em.

So, I'm angry, not depressed. I'm frustrated, not critical. I'm self-destructive in a close up and shut the door sort of way. I did go comatose in my chair for about three hours though. That was an interesting phenomena.

And the Van decided to not start on me. Currently, it's down at a store's parking lot, waiting for me to walk back to it and see if the beast will power up. Just another thing.

My life, while never dull, is not one I would wish on most folks. At least the folks I like.

Does my life suck? No. It has moments of suckitude. It has moments that are very uncomfortable and frustrating. BUT, it also has marvelous moments that shine in a way that keep me around and alive.

I must remind myself that those moments, those shining examples of magic in my life, are what it's all really about. It is those people in my life that brightly blaze and help to keep me sane and, for the most part, human.

Because, really and truly, there is some serious dark crap in me. Tonight is one of them.

Comments

[brotherwilliam.livejournal.com]

Because, really and truly, there is some serious dark crap in me. Tonight is one of them.
You know where the crapper is and remember how to use it.

brother william

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

Yep, but sometimes it's an awfully long walk in the woods to find that crapper, Bro.

[shackrlu.livejournal.com]

Tomorrow night, plan on being picked up and having a couple of beers with your friends at the Pub as usual. You can have tonight to shake your fist at the heavens, but tomorrow night, we laugh at the Somthing Bads, share Hugs and Laughter. It may not change what is...but it will make it more bearable.
You were very much missed tonight , and you are very much loved.

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

We'll see. Right now, the van is still not working. I guess I'll have it towed. Oh Wait! That takes money. Silly me. So does buying beer. I'll take a raincheck on tomorrow. I seriously doubt I will be worth being around. I don't even want to be around me.

[tapestry01.livejournal.com]

What makes you think you'd have to buy your beer?

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

Tim, chum... I loves ya, I really and truly do. You and Sherry both. But you both know that there are moods I get in where it's best if I just... Okay. You've both been around me when I'm like that. If you feel that strongly about it, we'll see.

[shackrlu.livejournal.com]

O.k.. I'll take we'll see for now, but I do feel strongly about it.

[shackrlu.livejournal.com]

What Tim said..

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

And what I said to Tim.

[gnome76.livejournal.com]

Come on, show up... call it your birthday present to me, maybe?

[journiey.livejournal.com]

Oh I'm GLAD! Yeah! Don't Let Him Sit And Brood, I Do Enough Of That For Everyone!

[shackrlu.livejournal.com]

If you were in Oklahoma I'd come pick YOU up and bring you to Pub night TOO! {{{HUGS}}}

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

If you were in Oklahoma, I'd see that you get out and enjoy life, too! I think we all would, cuz we loves our Jouriey.

[capi.livejournal.com]

I know you remember when they saved you after Jamie left you.

They want to help you along again now.

You want to deny them that?

Seriously?

It is not a big expense to them, but it IS a gift they desire to give you. Because they love you. Because they are there for you and they are trying to be there for you right now. When you need them.

((( hugs )))

[tarsa.livejournal.com]

Yeah, what your Sis said! ;-)

Have a good time with your friends~~think of it as thumbing your nose at the Universe. Hell, if we were close by, jmthane and I would be buying you a round or two!

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

I have to say thank you, specially since you don't know me, or know me very well, or at all. I have some incredible friends, and if you were close by, I'd argue with you about even buying me one. But then I'd probably give in because I'm not a complete idiot. I'm an incomplete one.

I am a cheep date, though. I have a limit of 3 maximum. And the waitress knows this, too.

If you're ever this way, do stop by. I'll make something cake or pie wise.

[tarsa.livejournal.com]

*evil grin* Cheep dates can be the most fun! *lol* But if you had already your limit, I would then have to have someone help me with whatever pub foodies ordered. *Yeah, I am that stubborn. Ask my wife.*

If you're ever this way, do stop by. I'll make something cake or pie wise.

Well, a small slice wouldn't hurt me. *grin* And, if you find yourself out by the way of Chattanooga, TN / Ringgold, GA (which is about 6 miles south of) definitely let us know. By all reports, I am a very good cook and make a mean chocolate~chip cookie! *grin*

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

James was mucho sadness, dearheart. This is anger and frustration and feeling like an idiot. I allowed myself to HOPE, and we know how I feel about hope. Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on me some more.

When I get like I was last night, I need, very muchly so, to be by myself and examine the issue and my anger. Anger is a real beast in me, Capi, hon. It takes on true characteristics as much as Pockets does.

As I've said a few times, I am not a nice guy. Part of my loving my friends is to protect them from the parts of me that don't care who they are, and will lash out like the family dog if it is hurt and angry enough.

I know this to be part of me. Sherry does as well, because she's seen it and been on the receiving end.

It is not a matter of denying them anything. It is a matter of being in a position and attitude to be appreciative of the gift they offer.

Sometimes the only way to contain a fire is to build a fire-break and let the thing burn itself out.

[capi.livejournal.com]

So.... how are you feeling *now*, dear one? (((( tender hugs ))))

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

I'm okay. I had a good time tonight, tho it took me a bit to get there. You can blame Sherry and Tim and the gang. I mean, how often do I get to head-roll against the chest of someone six feet four? And enjoy it?

[capi.livejournal.com]

Sounds as if A) you went! YAY!! and B) there is a story to be told!! *hee*

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

Did you see that? Six feet seven! Who can be Six Feet seven and not get a nose bleed from the altitude.

You'd like Chris, Capi. He's a very cool guy. Now if we could just get funding for our movie company, we have our leading man... er.. boy... er... Giant!

[gnome76.livejournal.com]

6'7''

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

Showoff.

[bleuberi21.livejournal.com]

All I can say is *hug*. You've got a lot of people here for you. =0)