And so... the world changes..
Jun. 25th, 2008 06:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
joegodaI am, as of 5:17 am yesterday morning, one day older and 51 years old.
I have, as of that year between 50 and 51, been pretty adventurous, due in most part, if not all part, of the folks that have adopted me as their family. Some of it is wonderful, some of it sucks, but hey, it was and is all an adventure, huh?
Currently, I am working on a computer that just today got upgraded from win98 to XP. I don't know if I like it, but so far it seems to work... just as good as 98 ever did. Maybe better a scoatch, because the Hard Drive is mostly empty space... just like the rest of the universe.
Here's a wonder that I came up with outta my head last night. It might bother some folks, but then again, what I normally say and/or do might bother some folks.
When a person says "I love you." "It's important to me that you exist" "You mean a lot to me" What exactly are they talking about? I have friends that I have known for ages, and if you believe in the recycling of the human vibratory spirit (and I do), then I more than likely really have known them for AGES.
I know I have a place in their lives because of the pathways of their minds now have me there fairly permanently, unless they have some sort of major trauma to the brain.
There are folks though, that actually want me around them, and it's a puzzle to me. Even my good chums confuse me, because in reality I'm not that nice a person.
Funny, maybe. Smart, for sure. Not terrible to look at, maybe a bit ordinary. And my voice is a good timber, I think, so it's not harsh on the ears. Heck, I can even sing without people running away and screaming.
But I wonder why, why, why. Why do people want me around them? I'm not romantically inclined, I'm not single, and I'm not terribly social. And there are just some people that I just don't like and I make no bones about it.
I think the answer may just be that I can be fun to be with. I'm irreverent and I see the world in an odd way. I can laugh at myself with the best of them, and I don't take offense easily. I'm gullible enough that I'll believe just about anything I'm told, as long as there isn't any evidence to the contrary.
I'm a good friend to those that I befriend, and I love those that I love with an intensity of fierceness, defending them against morons that know no better.
Huh.... Jenny, I think I've pretty much answered that. Now, the big question is really this: Why does it always surprise me and why do I feel slightly uncomfortable when someone asks me to be near them? I mean, if I'm with my compadres it makes total sense. The three of us are pretty good together, but me alone? Not so much. I always feel like I'm just a sorta boring person when I'm by myself.
Anyway, I didn't really want any response to the above stuff. It's just things rumbling through my head at this time. In fact, it goes through my head a lot of the time.
This is the state of Chet. I turned 51 yesterday. Not an odd space, just a space not so different from any other. I have found more people to appreciate in this one past year than the previous 10. I have found and lost more loves than in the last 5. I have gained more than I have lost, in personal attitude, resilience, and number of people that share my world. I have lost more than I have gained in personal finances, but that's just the way the world rotates. There are people in my life that I would dearly love to get to know better, even to the point of carnality, but that may not come to pass, and in fact most likely wont. And that is perfectly all right.
There are people that have taught me that it is all right to pray, that it is all right to dream, and that it is all right to be just me, without having to wear a mask to protect them from the parts of me I don't really like much.
There are people that have taught me to be more wary with my heart, with my words, and with my dreams, and that it is all right to be wary, as it is a good way to keep from becoming more morose, and more cynical.
I have learned to love those that are dying, and to appreciate the pictures they paint as they move from this world to the next and to applaud their courage in the face of what they go through. I have learned to cherish each and every moment as if it is the very best strawberry I have ever eaten, and I don't even like strawberries. There are times, however, when it's not the tune that matters, but the movement.
I have learned that magic does exist. And I have begun to learn that I am it.
For those that read these words, know that I will never, ever, never understand why I am accepted by you. That I will never understand why it is that you have made a place in your heart, in your minds and in your world for me. But I am, and always will be, forever comforted and forever grateful to you for it.
There will be more, I'm sure. This is just me being me right now, before I head out to the River, where I will sit and listen to the birds, the children and cherished friends.
Ya'll? This getting older stuff ain't so bad, as long as you got the strength to get up and laugh at it.
I have, as of that year between 50 and 51, been pretty adventurous, due in most part, if not all part, of the folks that have adopted me as their family. Some of it is wonderful, some of it sucks, but hey, it was and is all an adventure, huh?
Currently, I am working on a computer that just today got upgraded from win98 to XP. I don't know if I like it, but so far it seems to work... just as good as 98 ever did. Maybe better a scoatch, because the Hard Drive is mostly empty space... just like the rest of the universe.
Here's a wonder that I came up with outta my head last night. It might bother some folks, but then again, what I normally say and/or do might bother some folks.
When a person says "I love you." "It's important to me that you exist" "You mean a lot to me" What exactly are they talking about? I have friends that I have known for ages, and if you believe in the recycling of the human vibratory spirit (and I do), then I more than likely really have known them for AGES.
I know I have a place in their lives because of the pathways of their minds now have me there fairly permanently, unless they have some sort of major trauma to the brain.
There are folks though, that actually want me around them, and it's a puzzle to me. Even my good chums confuse me, because in reality I'm not that nice a person.
Funny, maybe. Smart, for sure. Not terrible to look at, maybe a bit ordinary. And my voice is a good timber, I think, so it's not harsh on the ears. Heck, I can even sing without people running away and screaming.
But I wonder why, why, why. Why do people want me around them? I'm not romantically inclined, I'm not single, and I'm not terribly social. And there are just some people that I just don't like and I make no bones about it.
I think the answer may just be that I can be fun to be with. I'm irreverent and I see the world in an odd way. I can laugh at myself with the best of them, and I don't take offense easily. I'm gullible enough that I'll believe just about anything I'm told, as long as there isn't any evidence to the contrary.
I'm a good friend to those that I befriend, and I love those that I love with an intensity of fierceness, defending them against morons that know no better.
Huh.... Jenny, I think I've pretty much answered that. Now, the big question is really this: Why does it always surprise me and why do I feel slightly uncomfortable when someone asks me to be near them? I mean, if I'm with my compadres it makes total sense. The three of us are pretty good together, but me alone? Not so much. I always feel like I'm just a sorta boring person when I'm by myself.
Anyway, I didn't really want any response to the above stuff. It's just things rumbling through my head at this time. In fact, it goes through my head a lot of the time.
This is the state of Chet. I turned 51 yesterday. Not an odd space, just a space not so different from any other. I have found more people to appreciate in this one past year than the previous 10. I have found and lost more loves than in the last 5. I have gained more than I have lost, in personal attitude, resilience, and number of people that share my world. I have lost more than I have gained in personal finances, but that's just the way the world rotates. There are people in my life that I would dearly love to get to know better, even to the point of carnality, but that may not come to pass, and in fact most likely wont. And that is perfectly all right.
There are people that have taught me that it is all right to pray, that it is all right to dream, and that it is all right to be just me, without having to wear a mask to protect them from the parts of me I don't really like much.
There are people that have taught me to be more wary with my heart, with my words, and with my dreams, and that it is all right to be wary, as it is a good way to keep from becoming more morose, and more cynical.
I have learned to love those that are dying, and to appreciate the pictures they paint as they move from this world to the next and to applaud their courage in the face of what they go through. I have learned to cherish each and every moment as if it is the very best strawberry I have ever eaten, and I don't even like strawberries. There are times, however, when it's not the tune that matters, but the movement.
I have learned that magic does exist. And I have begun to learn that I am it.
For those that read these words, know that I will never, ever, never understand why I am accepted by you. That I will never understand why it is that you have made a place in your heart, in your minds and in your world for me. But I am, and always will be, forever comforted and forever grateful to you for it.
There will be more, I'm sure. This is just me being me right now, before I head out to the River, where I will sit and listen to the birds, the children and cherished friends.
Ya'll? This getting older stuff ain't so bad, as long as you got the strength to get up and laugh at it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-06-26 12:10 am (UTC)And I often wonder the same thing...I think we all do. It's because we are privy to our innermost dark thoughts that others can't see...our pettiness, our jealousy, our spitefulness...we see all of that, but others don't, since we don't allow them to, usually. Then again, I spill that crap all over my journal and I still seem to be gaining friends like a snowball, so what the heck do I know?
(no subject)
Date: 2008-06-26 05:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-06-26 12:49 am (UTC)And it was good. It was *very* good.
*settles beside him to watch the river and laugh and breathe and taste the strawberries of life*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-06-26 05:11 am (UTC)OH! I got a big square box containing the Wonder Wash today!! Yay! Win! All sorts of Win! Now... I just have to use it.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-06-26 02:56 pm (UTC)Are you gonna invite everyone over to see you wash your socks???
*grin* Adventures in LAUNDRY! TA-DAH!!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-06-26 04:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-06-26 04:27 pm (UTC)Fair enuf!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-06-26 01:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-06-26 04:11 pm (UTC)