Sometimes my life is just... weird.

[joegoda]

Okay, MOST of the time my life is just weird. Tonight was pub at Ihop night. My brother borrowed my van so they could move to a less robbed neighborhood. He was burglarized last Friday again. I don't blame him for wanting to move. That wasn't the weird part...


I started out from Sam's apartment to head to the pub, which in my brain, was PB, but in reality was IHOP. I drove like a normal person, in the slight mist that was falling, down the Creek expressway, paying an outrageous 75 cents for a two mile trip (Hey, it's Oklahoma... land of toll roads), so that I could maybe get to PB before everyone left. I got to PB at 9:40 only to find...

I was in the wrong place.

Got to see my nephew Brent, whom I miss, and who was at PB with his friend Gloria, in excel sis deo, which was very cool, but oh so annoying because I was in the wrong place. I texted to Charity who was wondering where the hell I was saying "No PB?" Obviously, my brain was miswired for tonight.

So I left PB and drove to 71st street where IHOP might be seen on a clear night. I started east on 71st, only to turn wrong at the wrong stoplight and started to head back to where I came from. I almost said to heck with it. Then I decided that two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do, so I turned left again, and headed the correct way to the correct place.

Charity called me, and it was NOT a good time to be calling Chester. I was rather mean to her, it was her birthday after all, and for that I'm truly sorry. No amount of frustration is enough to justify being mean to a person, so I won't justify it. I'll just apologize. Yes, I hung up on her because I was incredibly frustrated with myself.

Then Sherry called me, and when Griz calls, I answer. Sherry's sweet voice informed me that it was Charity's birthday and I was being a stupid person. She didn't tell me that. She would probably not tell me that. She doesn't have to. It's like when your mother, the greatest mother in all the world, looks at you with her arms crossed, arches an eyebrow and does that thing with her mouth that sounds like pigeons in tap shoes.

I made damn sure I was civil when I came in, regardless of my internal frustrations. You just don't cross the Griz.

And that still wasn't the weird part. That comes next.

In my life, I have had a great number of adventures. I would say that there are things I've done that I will never tell anyone. HOWEVER, to be reminded of things that I have done, things that SHOULD, by any sort of natural order, be easily remembered by a normal person, and to NOT, absolutely NOT, remember any of the event... that's just plain downright weird.

I have had moments when I had difficulty remembering things, and could catch snippets of the thing I couldn't remember. I have had difficulty remember the names of those that are closest to me. But to have a total hole in my memory really and truly bugs the ever livin' crap out of me. I don't even have a mental road sign there that says "Beware! Hole!"

The memory of the event just simply does not exist.

It's not like the Yule party where, apparently, my Aspect came out to play. I can, if I work at it, remember snags and bits and parts and words and such. This is a darn HOLE where I can't even see anything.

It seems I went to the 2005 Muskogee ren faire with my good friend Trace and her two children. It seems that I had a good time and bought her children turkey legs to eat. I reach back and scratch at the memories and there's just a big ol' empty space.

Wait! I just remembered a detail. One tiny one, but at least it's proof. Trace's daughter became a princess! Man, that's a relief... it's like looking for your keys and you KNOW you put them *right* there, but now they're gone.

*sigh* People, I think my brain is full.

Comments

[shackrlu.livejournal.com]

Ya Know... I might have had that expression on my face when I called! ;-) But once I heard your voice and the circumstances surrounding your frustrations, I had to cut you some slack and not be too scolding. There WERE in fact extenuating circumstances. {{HUGS}} I'm just glad you finally made it safe and sound, and that we managed to coax a few smiles and laughs.
And as for memory.. Bags and Griz also forgot whoever the bellydancer was that was apparently at a pub night around that same time, that Trace remembers and we have ALL lost from our memory!!

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

I barely, BARELY remember a bellydancer sitting at our table. I'll be... wait a minute! There was a woman, who came with me ONCE to the pub. Just once. I can't quite remember her name or her face. But I remember that she came to the pub with me... Slightly over weight, rather reserved, not my type at all... how she ended up coming there with me I don't recall. I do remember only because she caught me on chat a few months back, and no, I didn't remember it at all, to my embarrassment. *sigh* This darn swiss cheese brain of mine. All I can say is that she must not have left much of an impression on me, or us. She was probably one of THEM. You know. A normal person.

[shackrlu.livejournal.com]

YES!!! That was it!! Was her name Sherry too? or Sharon, or something like that?

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

Yeah.. something like that. It was a one date date. I completely forgot about it until she reminded me of it. She's engaged to a very nice guy now, thank the gods.

[shackrlu.livejournal.com]

Ya KNOW! When you have those "Hole" moments we could say it's just the "Mad Cow".:-)

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

OH great! Then I'll be just like Denny Crane. *sigh* Well.. there could be some benefits to this, I reckon.

[shackrlu.livejournal.com]

Well we know it's not the alzheimer's cuz you have always had the "hole" at least for a very long time! With me when it happens, I call it the "Dead Zone" from the Stephen King novel.. It's not just you darlin'.

[tapestry01.livejournal.com]

When distracted by cellphone calls while driving a car, I've been known to throw the darn phone out of reach so that I can concentrate on more important matters, such as not dying on the road.

[joegoda.livejournal.com]

It seems that my whole life is a cell phone call... and yep.. for you to not die? That's a good thing.

[huggle-bunni.livejournal.com]

I just call it a blonde moment:) I do it all the time, apparently. And I second that, It's a good thing not to die. I would have to resurrect him and kill him *g*. *hugs* I'm sorry I missed the fun, but I was there in spirit!

[capi.livejournal.com]

*nod*

I've never had a good memory... well, not since the First Divorce, which occured when i was eleven. I was pretty sharp before that. *snort* Trauma minces things up pretty well.

But even so, i was not *stupid*. I found new ways of filing things so i could find them... most of the time.

Still, not a *good* memory.

And when i became ill, a decade and more ago, it got RADICALLY worse. The more tired and ill i am, the worse it is. I have memories now of things that never happened at all and no memories of things that did. Like life has become a hallucination and i cannot rely on my own brain.

Not only is that massively frustrating, as you say, it's *scary*. I totally relate, my friend. I've said, "My brain is full!" many times.... but of course, that is not really true. Our brains are amazing things and we don't use even half of them.

The wiring.... it's a problem with the wiring, i'm sure of it. *sigh* I need a really good electrician. *LOL*

[mstami.livejournal.com]

LOL!!! Miss you all! :)

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

I blame mine on the Dyscalculia, convenient but also true. It's just nice to know there's a real reason for my (hopefully) occasional dottiness. Think maybe a good electrician might help me too!

Love you, brother-Chet dear!