and of course.. I bounce BACK!

There is something about having things taken away that is liberating. I mean, it's not that we don't get pissed off and pissy. It's just that when the darkness clears out, and the sunshine breaks through.. or moonlight, your choice, perspective breaks through and if you're lucky, the Truth of WHAT IS HAPPENING hits you like a slow train.

Now, this year, I feel I've lost:
Love
Brother
Car
SelfRespect
Love
Friendship
Camera
Job
Job
Job

And tons of socks, .. but that's normal. I'm sure this list is longer, but why dwell.. here's the point:

We can't really lose Love. We can misplace it, but inevitably it's still there, though hidden and buried. It can die, but I don't see how. Not love. Maybe Like can fade, maybe lust will die, maybe In Love can turn, but not Love. Immortal and indestructible.

Brother James died. He won't be back, but he's never really gone. He's on the outside, looking in. So.. mourning though the process continues (how yoda, huh?), I know that he's still there.. somewhere.

Friendship.. Yep.. gone. or at least diminished to the point of who really cares. Being polite is not the way to nurture friendships.. it's the way to keep one country from trying to kill another.

SelfRespect. Hell's bell's. I've lost and found and lost and found and lost and found and lost and found it soo many times that when I lose it, I know exactly where to look to find it. My Ego is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to big to beat myself for to long.

So, the list is now:
Car
Friendship
Camera
Job
Job
Job

I suspect the friendship is there, just incredibly muted to the whisper one hears as a neutrino passes. (If you think it's you, think again.. and ASK dammit.. no more playing around, you kids.. straight questions.. and NO, I'm not sleeping with anyone's wife, husband, brother, sister, cousin, uncle or aunt.. I have a book next to me in bed, and that's my companion, thank you very much)

so that just leaves
Car
Camera
Job
Job
Job

Things.

Burdens.

Replaceable.

So.. what's the big deal? I'm loved, I'm warm, I'm fed, Life is good. And dammit, So ARE YOU!

One day of self pity is all anyone should waste on it. Then get on with living, or get on with dying. your choice.

Love you all, (even the new one..)

CjB
House of the Singing Waters

Just a lil story -- kinda pertinent

Many years ago, there was a man whose life had turned badly. He lost his wife, he lost his job, he lost his car, he lost.. everything that mattered to him. He was despondent and angry and depressed. He decided to make a pilgrimage to the highest mount and demand an answer from the Universe why his life had turned out so badly.

He booked passage on a freighter going to the orient, and sure enough, his ticket was blown away by the first strong breeze. His money was gone, having been spent on the ticket.. he had no more. He talked to the captain and was allowed to work his way across the ocean in the bowels of the ship, oiling the bilge pump.

Once across the ocean, he left the ship and was immediately robbed. Though he had no money, he had shoes, and so the robbers took those... and his shirt.

Still he trudged on, determined to find answers, so strongly did he burn with questions!

On and on, through cold, through night, through hunger. He became somewhat of a legend, the crazy white man with no shoes and shirt. Eventually the robbers found he had nothing to rob, so they left him alone. Especially since he started to growl a very disturbing growl when anyone came near him.

Up and up, through cold, through night, through madness. After many months of living on bugs and roots, of drinking from cold mountain streams that were downstream from where the animals.. well.. you get the idea.. He reached the top of the highest mountain in the Himalayan mounts. He stood straight and tall on the toppest mount there was, raised his arms above his head and shouted. "Why?? Why?? All my life I've tried to live a good life, be a good man, do things proper and right, and all I got from it was misery! Why?? Why??!!"

and the Universe said.....

nothing.

Once again, the man said "I demand an answer! I have gone through trials and tribulations beyond endurance to be here! I have suffered and starved and now I want an answer! It isn't fair what I've gone through! It just isn't fair!"

This time, the clouds parted. The Thunder rolled. The Lightning flashed.. or maybe the lightning flashed before the thunder.. special effects are soo tricky.

Regardless, the sky opened up and revealed the utmost darkness of the Universe and from the depths of the darkness a voice boomed out and said:

"Oh? It's not? I'm sorry."