joegoda | And that, gentleberries and ladlums, is a win

I'm trying.. no.. stop.. I'm Quitting smoking. And it's all

thebruce's fault. He can claim it if he wants to, but the victory will be mine, all mine, bwahahahahahaha! *cough*

To

esme7777: this was how I won today...

To

ladyegreen: you did perk your ears up for internal dialog.

My subconsious, sounding like Bernie the Cabdriver: "Ya know.. this IS Thanksgiving.. one of those stressful times.. and I think you've been really good, so I think you should go get some cigarettes and enjoy"

Me, sounding just like me: "Hmmm.. yeah, but if I do, then it will break my promise to myself to NOT buy any more, period. And Sherry and I are in on this thing together. It will just dissapoint her, and that's not a good thing"

Bernie: "Yeah, but she doesn't have to know."

Me: "But I'll know, and you know.. I think the long run is that I'll save money, smell better and feel better. Heck, this constant sinus infection might even go away"

Bernie: "Awwww com'on! It's just one day. You can restart again tomorrow.. today is a Holiday!"

Me: "You know! You're right! Come friday I just wont smoke at work, and on saturday I'll just quit all over again.. and again.. and again.."

Bernie: "That's the Spirit! You know what Mark Twain said.. 'It's easy to quit smoking.. I've done hundreds of times'"

So I left my apartment for the QuikTrip to buy smokes. I passed by the grocers and noticed how horrible things smelled. Not me, mind you.. I have a hard time smelling myself. I wondered if everything would smell that bad once I could smell everything again.

Bernie: "Yeah.. excellent reason to NOT quit"

Me: "You know.. I kinda like not smoking. It frees me up for a lot of things. Like not freezing my ass off in the middle of winter when I take a smoke break. Like not feeling like I'm offending people when I smoke around non-smokers."

Bernie: "F*ck 'em"

Me, as I cross the street and then stand there and wave the guy whose been sitting at a GREEN light because his mind was being controlled by the dog in the passenger seat. I suspect the dog was just waiting for me to get into target range: "yeah.. that's what I've always said. You know. I think I'd like a pepsi. I think a pepsi would be so much more refreshing than a cigarette."

I start to think of chocolate tootsie pops. The feel of clean tongue, the breath without a whistle. Bernie fades into the background. He knows he's been beat, and I won by default of the pepsi.

I go into the QT and walk over to the pepsi. 2 liter or 1 liter. Now, here's a poser. I can buy a 2 liter for 1.30. I can buy a 1 liter for 1.09. Wouldn't that indicate that a 2 liter is only 21 cents more? if that's true, wouldn't that mean that a single liter is 21 cents? And if that's true then wouldn't 2 liters be like 42 cents? The world is just weird.

So I went to the 2 liter section (didn't they used to make 3 liters that they sold for the price of a 2 liter?) and decided, decided. Bernie wandered back and said "Look.. if you're not gonna get smokes, then you might as well get something we both would enjoy. Get the Jones."

Jones Cream Soda. Nectar of the Gods! A bit pricy, but I figured I had just won, so what the heck. I would have spent 28 dollars this last week on cigarettes, so I figured at a tenth of the price, I could afford a little victory prize!

By the way.. Jones Soda, the little guy, has offered Turkey and Gravy flavored soda for the last 3 years on Thanksgiving. Gross, you say? Ahh.. perhaps so, but they SELL OUT every year!