"I believed (( believe )) they used the same sort of explosive on the house that they used on the monorail," Justin... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I believed they used the same sort of explosive on the house that they used on the monorail," Justin observed. He got to the bottom of the stairs and moved to the right, to the workbench where the fletchet pistols were. "Where's the darts, Jonathan?" (( Correction: where ARE the darts, not where IS the darts! Gracious sakes! )) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Ah." Justin dialed the lock open. Inside the drawer were ((was)) a box of thin tube-like darts with tiny feathery wings. "Green or red?" ((What? No "thank you"?? From Justin, the gentleman of the century?? *LOL* )) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You and your brother seem terribly unconcerned about your house burning down, monsieur Ratzenmueller," Verne observe. ((observed)) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Grab that handle there, Jules." Jonathan pointed to a small curve of brass. "That one right there." He looked around as he bent at the knees and lifted the three foot tall bundle of metal. "Houses can be replaced, Jules. We had one burn down already, when we were barely out of our teens. And really, there's ((there ARE, not there IS, unless you want Jon to speak that way on purpose...)) only two things that we felt we needed to save. Justin's books and my workshop." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Most of it," Jonathan said. "There's still a part that's under testing, but we don't have the time to play with that right now." He lay on a mechanics transfer, and slid under the automobile. (( Took me a sec to figger out what you were saying here. Perhaps he lay down on, instead of just he lay on? Or he dropped onto, or tossed himself onto... or something like that?)) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Because monsieur Verne," Justin said, coming up behind them and carrying a large canvas satchel, "I don't like it when people burn my house down. I'm rather sensitive about it, actually. The sooner we solve this,... (( suggest "resolve" in place of "solve")) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin gently kicked at Jonathan's brown shoes. "Anyway I can assist in speeding the process along?" (( in this case, any way is two words... )) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Verne watched Justin wander off. "The two of you make for an odd set of pair,... (( set of pair? Never heard of this before. My brain automatically took out SET and installed SORT ))... monsieur Ratzenmueller. I gather that monsieur Stone is a bit... unusual in his thoughts." He tapped his forehead, in emphasis. "You are, quite obviously, a mechanical genius. But Monsieur Stone is... quite different." He stroked the smooth metal of the odd engine. "This is a very odd apparatus. How does it work?" (( You use the word ODD twice in this paragraph, for two different things. Perhaps you might consider replacing one of them with Peculiar or something. Two ODDs that close together... is just Odd! *LOL* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2008-11-23 06:37 pm (UTC)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I believed they used the same sort of explosive on the house that they used on the monorail," Justin observed. He got to the bottom of the stairs and moved to the right, to the workbench where the fletchet pistols were. "Where's the darts, Jonathan?" (( Correction: where ARE the darts, not where IS the darts! Gracious sakes! ))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ah." Justin dialed the lock open. Inside the drawer were ((was)) a box of thin tube-like darts with tiny feathery wings. "Green or red?" ((What? No "thank you"?? From Justin, the gentleman of the century?? *LOL* ))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You and your brother seem terribly unconcerned about your house burning down, monsieur Ratzenmueller," Verne observe. ((observed))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Grab that handle there, Jules." Jonathan pointed to a small curve of brass. "That one right there." He looked around as he bent at the knees and lifted the three foot tall bundle of metal. "Houses can be replaced, Jules. We had one burn down already, when we were barely out of our teens. And really, there's ((there ARE, not there IS, unless you want Jon to speak that way on purpose...)) only two things that we felt we needed to save. Justin's books and my workshop."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Most of it," Jonathan said. "There's still a part that's under testing, but we don't have the time to play with that right now." He lay on a mechanics transfer, and slid under the automobile. (( Took me a sec to figger out what you were saying here. Perhaps he lay down on, instead of just he lay on? Or he dropped onto, or tossed himself onto... or something like that?))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Because monsieur Verne," Justin said, coming up behind them and carrying a large canvas satchel, "I don't like it when people burn my house down. I'm rather sensitive about it, actually. The sooner we solve this,... (( suggest "resolve" in place of "solve"))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Justin gently kicked at Jonathan's brown shoes. "Anyway I can assist in speeding the process along?" (( in this case, any way is two words... ))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Verne watched Justin wander off. "The two of you make for an odd set of pair,... (( set of pair? Never heard of this before. My brain automatically took out SET and installed SORT ))... monsieur Ratzenmueller. I gather that monsieur Stone is a bit... unusual in his thoughts." He tapped his forehead, in emphasis. "You are, quite obviously, a mechanical genius. But Monsieur Stone is... quite different." He stroked the smooth metal of the odd engine. "This is a very odd apparatus. How does it work?" (( You use the word ODD twice in this paragraph, for two different things. Perhaps you might consider replacing one of them with Peculiar or something. Two ODDs that close together... is just Odd! *LOL*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~