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Hangin with the ghosts...
Aug. 6th, 2007 08:30 pmEureka Springs is a marvelous place to come to and wander around. Me, I like trains and cemeteries and both are here within driving distance.
Linda, my wife, lives here. We don't live together, and haven't for many years. If you don't know the reason why, the story is too long and too boring for me to write here. Let's just let it sit with this way, she stays on my insurance. The reason we broke up is because I'm just too impossible to live with.
This has been an eye-opening thing for me. Spending these three days with a person that is crippled by RA (rheumatoid) and OA (Osteo)... the two main forms of arthritis... and someone that is reaching her 59 year old mark the 23rd of this month, and someone who I have personally hurt to a unforgivable degree... well, it's the sort of thing that speaks on the character of Linda that she still doesn't mind seeing me show up.
We are trying to get her to a dentist appointment tomorrow. I was darned and determined when I got here, but the more I watch her and feel her pain, the more I'm going to let it be her decision. We may not go tomorrow. Also, her mortality is bothering her. She asked me if I thought it was wise to be spending that sort of money on her. The unspoken remainder of the question was because she was probably going to die soon.
We, all of us, do not know when our time is. My mother, who should have died many years ago, refuses to, simply because nobody will get near enough to her to drive the stake. That, and everybody loves the old witch.
Linda's parents died young, in their 60's. Linda is feeling alone and abandoned up here. Granted, she's not made much effort to get out and make friends, but then, her mobility is severely limited. Being with her allows me to understand better my friends, Capi and DocJeff, who also have energy and life sapping aliments.
If I could, I'd have a big party up here and bring all my friends, and all of her remaining friends just to let her know she's not forgotten.
Anyway, I made it to the cemetery, visited the bier of Annie Applemar, who died at 19, was remembered in song by the Grateful Dead, and has a gravesite that continues to receive gifts on it, unto this day.
I went to the Train Depot, because that's what I like to do. I sat on a bench and just listened to the trees and the world move on, move on, because that's also what I like to do.
I have not gone to a pub, though I would like to. I go out during the day time, and pubs for me are night time things that you do with friends. Granted, I could probably make a friend with whomever walked up to me. Because, that too, is what I do, and Tim and Sherry really wish I wouldn't sometimes.
So... this is not an easy thing. On one hand, I want my own life. On the other, this is a loved one that needs my assistance and nobody, not even her own sister, can or will make this trip. I am the only one without ties, and who apparently has the time.
I understand Star quite a bit. She's running a hard route with her parents. I send her my love and my support for whatever trials and tribulations she has to face. I know you folks do the same. She's a heck of a woman, stronger than most I've known.
Tomorrow, Linda and I make a trip to the Farmer's Market, because that's where she wants to go. Her depression seems to have been lifted, but she still suffers from the syndrome of being housebound for a year or two. Her actually wanting to get out to do something is so very important, that I cannot refuse this, even if I wanted.
Welp, that's my update. Helping Linda try to feel human and cared about. Missing folks that made the choice to take another route. And yes, I'm pissed and disappointed at the way life sometimes turns out, but what the hey, it happens to all of us. Wednesday, I will need something numbing. My head and heart hurts. But whatcha gonna do?
Still, it's a good adventure, because what is adventure without challenge and heart ache, loss and gain.
As Lazarus, my old good bud would have said, "All debts are paid when the ship lifts."
Linda, my wife, lives here. We don't live together, and haven't for many years. If you don't know the reason why, the story is too long and too boring for me to write here. Let's just let it sit with this way, she stays on my insurance. The reason we broke up is because I'm just too impossible to live with.
This has been an eye-opening thing for me. Spending these three days with a person that is crippled by RA (rheumatoid) and OA (Osteo)... the two main forms of arthritis... and someone that is reaching her 59 year old mark the 23rd of this month, and someone who I have personally hurt to a unforgivable degree... well, it's the sort of thing that speaks on the character of Linda that she still doesn't mind seeing me show up.
We are trying to get her to a dentist appointment tomorrow. I was darned and determined when I got here, but the more I watch her and feel her pain, the more I'm going to let it be her decision. We may not go tomorrow. Also, her mortality is bothering her. She asked me if I thought it was wise to be spending that sort of money on her. The unspoken remainder of the question was because she was probably going to die soon.
We, all of us, do not know when our time is. My mother, who should have died many years ago, refuses to, simply because nobody will get near enough to her to drive the stake. That, and everybody loves the old witch.
Linda's parents died young, in their 60's. Linda is feeling alone and abandoned up here. Granted, she's not made much effort to get out and make friends, but then, her mobility is severely limited. Being with her allows me to understand better my friends, Capi and DocJeff, who also have energy and life sapping aliments.
If I could, I'd have a big party up here and bring all my friends, and all of her remaining friends just to let her know she's not forgotten.
Anyway, I made it to the cemetery, visited the bier of Annie Applemar, who died at 19, was remembered in song by the Grateful Dead, and has a gravesite that continues to receive gifts on it, unto this day.
I went to the Train Depot, because that's what I like to do. I sat on a bench and just listened to the trees and the world move on, move on, because that's also what I like to do.
I have not gone to a pub, though I would like to. I go out during the day time, and pubs for me are night time things that you do with friends. Granted, I could probably make a friend with whomever walked up to me. Because, that too, is what I do, and Tim and Sherry really wish I wouldn't sometimes.
So... this is not an easy thing. On one hand, I want my own life. On the other, this is a loved one that needs my assistance and nobody, not even her own sister, can or will make this trip. I am the only one without ties, and who apparently has the time.
I understand Star quite a bit. She's running a hard route with her parents. I send her my love and my support for whatever trials and tribulations she has to face. I know you folks do the same. She's a heck of a woman, stronger than most I've known.
Tomorrow, Linda and I make a trip to the Farmer's Market, because that's where she wants to go. Her depression seems to have been lifted, but she still suffers from the syndrome of being housebound for a year or two. Her actually wanting to get out to do something is so very important, that I cannot refuse this, even if I wanted.
Welp, that's my update. Helping Linda try to feel human and cared about. Missing folks that made the choice to take another route. And yes, I'm pissed and disappointed at the way life sometimes turns out, but what the hey, it happens to all of us. Wednesday, I will need something numbing. My head and heart hurts. But whatcha gonna do?
Still, it's a good adventure, because what is adventure without challenge and heart ache, loss and gain.
As Lazarus, my old good bud would have said, "All debts are paid when the ship lifts."
