SkullCrusher Mountain - The Musical
Aug. 25th, 2012 12:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
joegodaI promised it. I told Jon Coulton I would do it. I got his blessings. 3 years later, here's Act One, rough draft. And yes, I know it formats like crap. If I try to save it as rich text then LJ tells me the post is too big. Damn Ruskies.
Anyway, here it is, Kids. My next thing. After this, the story of Bill the Songster, who returns to his home town after years of being away, returning wiser and older. Called "When he came back"
ACT I
Scene 1
Stage left is dark, dark as dark can be. Stage
left is shadowed cell with barred windows just up
above fingertip reach. Dim light comes through
the bars and plays on the wall far left. This
little room on stage left will remain throughout
the play. There is a figure crouched down hidden
in the shadows. This is our protagonist,
Jon. Lights come up slowly, slowly in a 7 count
to stop at mid point on the control. This gives a
dim and yet not dark setting. Character can be
seen, but not well. A pin spot will gobo bars
onto his face when he stands. Character is in a
straight jacket, sleeves floppy and not
tied. Face is calm, and hair is Not
messy. Imagine this man at work, except wearing a
straight jacket
JON
Stands, slowly, carefully. His sleeves sloppy, no
need for hands, his straight jacket falls loose
and untied.
It’s not common for me to be so... out of sorts when
company arrives. I’m glad you got here safely, the
mountain paths can be treacherous, to be sure.
Stretches, looks about for a chair
JON
I’m sorry, there seems to be a lack of seating, do
forgive me.
Looks out at the audience, peering and then laughs
slightly in shock
I see you’ve already found your seats! Good for
you! I was afraid I’d have to have Scarface go into
the village to find more chairs.
(Soto voice, conspiratorially)
Just between you and me, the Villagers don’t like
Scarface much. I’m not sure why. Granted, he isn’t
the prettiest thing, and he may have committed a murder
or two, but really... is that any reason to dislike a
person?
Looks about him in confusion
Wait. This doesn’t look like my lab. Where am
I? Where are we? Where’s Scarface? Scarface! Come
here, at once!
Door opens. Well dressed man enters wearing a
suit and a security badge.
FRANK
What is it this time? Do you want to watch Doctor
Horrible again?
JON
No, nothing of the sort, you fool. Where am I? What
is this place, because it certainly isn’t my lab. And
where is Scarface, because you aren’t him. Are
you? You could be Scarface in disguise. You aren’t
terribly good looking, so you could be him.
FRANK
No, I’m not Scarface, whoever that is. I’m Frank,
remember. The guard outside your door.
JON
Guard? I don’t need a guard! I’m... I’m... Well, I’ll
remember that by and by, I’m sure. And Scarface is my
faithful Man Servant. You might have seen him in the
hallway. Not so tall.. about this tall, hump on the
back, one eye squinty, the other not so much. Terrible
hairstyle. I really must recommend mine to him, poor
chap.
FRANK
Buddy, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was
told to stand outside your door, just in case you did
anything nutty. Nuttier than normal that is. So far,
you’ve asked to watch that stupid Doctor Horrible twice
and asked for your submarine to be brought around.
JON
And did you? Bring my submarine around?
FRANK
You ain’t got no submarine, buddy. You’re sitting in a
cell in the county’s loonie bin for the criminally
insane, and I’m just the underpaid guy that gets to
babysit you.
JON
Wait. You mean, this isn’t my mountain lair? There
isn’t any submarine? There isn’t even
any...SOB...Scarface?
FRANK
Man, you are as nutty as they come, aren’t you? The
tape on the door says your name is Jon, but they may
have left that there from the last guy. I dunno. I’m
fairly new here.
JON
Apparently, so am I, my good man. A bit confusing
isn’t it? You here because you are, and me here
because I am. Why are you here? Why am I here? Why
are any of us here.
Looks out at the audience
Why are YOU here?
VOICE FROM ABOVE
We’re here to see you, Doc. We want to see your story.
JON
My story?
FRANK
What?
JON
Did you just say you wanted to hear my story?
FRANK
No. I didn’t say anything. You just asked me why I’m
here. I didn’t have a chance to say anything.
JON
I wish there were more chairs.
FRANK
You know they don’t allow chairs in here.
JON
How bout a sofa? Could I get a sofa?
FRANK
(laughs)
You’re kidding now, right? A sofa?
JON
(laughs - a dull laugh, humorless)
Of course, um, Frank, if that’s your real name. I was
kidding. Why would they let me have a sofa if I’m
really in the, as you say, nuthouse.
(pause, then earnestly.)
Maybe a nice cup of Chai tea?
FRANK
You kill me, buddy. Tell you what, though. I’ll see
if I can get you a soda, okay? It’s been a pretty
boring shift so far, and you’re the best entertainment
on the floor.
Frank leaves
JON
Hmph. Glad I could be of service (raises his hands,
the sleeves fall back, and Jon makes air quotations)
"Frank" or whoever you are.
Starts pacing his cell, three paces left, three
paces right.
So, I’m not at the lair. I’m somewhere
else. Kidnapped, of course. Dastards. Bastards! If
only I had my robot army at hand. If only the world
recognized my genius for what it is. Genius!
VOICE FROM ABOVE
Genius!
JON
Yes. Genius! Oh, I wasn’t always like this, ruler of
the known world. I’ve become cynical and
misunderstood. Oh no. There was a time when I was just
a (bunny fingers) "nerd" or just a (bunny fingers)
"geek". I wasn’t misunderstood. I wasn’t acknowledge by
society at all. I was invisible. (Sighs heavily) I
blame it on the circumstances of my birth, which was
unusual to say the least.
To the Audience
It all comes down to this; I’m not completely human.
Oh, it’s not my fault. It’s nothing I’ve done. You see,
I was born in an artificial environment.
Beginning "Womb with a View" ballet. The cell Jon
is in is whisked away, the three walls separating
and flying away, aided by dark clad helpers -
techs acting as bits of Jon’s memories.
A tall stool is brought for him to sit on, one of
those tall stools with metal legs, like you would
find in a laboratory. It is placed center stage
and Jon addresses the audience.
(Thoughfully)I seem to remember there was a lot of
pink.
Lights wash the stage with a hot pink
but not that much pink.
Pink stage calms down, more bastard amber, less
pink. The Memories come on to help Jon out of his
straight jacket. Underneath he is wearing pink
shirt and red tie, to represent his birthday suit
and umbilical cord.
and there were bubbly sounds all around me.
Bubbly sounds quickly rise up, up, until they
almost drown out Jon’s next statement. Jon
wanders the stage,
But not that bubbly, for goodness sake. It wasn’t Sea
World, after all. It was just a lab, hidden deep and
dark from the rest of the world.
Bubbles fade into the background, until they can
be quietly heard.
Like that, yes. Much better. And I remember swimming,
swimming and enjoying just being young and innocent,
believing that there were only two of us.
Lights change slightly, giving the pink a more
watery appearance. Possibly use of a gobo or
shimmer curtain in the back to give that
appearance. Jon stops his dialog and looks out at
the audience with a piercing glare.
There were two of us! Yes there was! I was not alone
at the beginning. No indeedy not. I had a
girlfriend. Is that so hard to believe? I thought
not. At least, I think it was a girl.
Womb with a view
A Memory appears to take the stool off stage. Jon
’swims’ to the stage right side of the
stage. Stage left there appears another character
- Androgynene, dressed in pink body suit complete
with a tail. Androgynene is swimming, as is
Jon. Jon swims on the stage right side,
Androgynene swims on the stage left side. The
swimming continues until the beginning bars of
"Womb with a View" finish. Just before the lyrics
begin, the two notice each other and swim to
center stage to briefly touch hands and then
backpedal away from each other due to the shock of
not being alone anymore.
(music starts)
WOMB WITH A VIEW
We were so small when we met
I still remember, I’ll never forget
Two button eyes and a tail
I couldn’t tell female or male
I caught your eye through the glass
I waved with my flipper
You looked away kind of shy when you smiled, my world broke
in two.
The two on stage perform a slow movement ballet,
twirling and coming close, but never quite
touching. It is a dance of getting to know each
other, of deciding to be friends. Androgynene
gives him a smile and a swish of her head before
shyling swimming away. Let us assume from her
demure behavior that she is female.
From my womb with a view I can see everything From my womb
with a view I can see everything
I need
I look at you
Because it’s all I can do
From my womb with a view
The dance continues. Coming close, blowing kisses,
winking, swimming away. The dance should flow in
a natural sense, hopefully following the words as
they are sung.
A Memory, dressed in white lab coat and carrying
clipboard and pencil, passes through the scene,
interrupting the dance. The two
Sometimes a whitecoat would pass
We’d share a look when they’d tap on the glass
I learned to wiggle my toes
You would laugh bubbles out your nose
Sometimes the lights would go off and there’d be a moment
Whenever I felt alone or afraid I always had you
From my womb with a view I can see everything From my womb
with a view I can see everything I need
I look at you
Because it’s all I can do
From my womb with a view
The tone of the dance turns a bit serious. Jon
has become enamoured wtih Androgynene. Through
the musical interlude, he swims close, encircles
her, his expression adult and very strong. He
knows his time has come.
What I am trying to say I think today is a very big day
Something is calling me on
Maybe by morning I’ll be gone
Maybe when we get outside we’ll both still remember
Maybe someday we will meet on the street and I’ll know it’s
you
From my womb with a view I can see everything From my womb
with a view I can see everything I need
I look at you
Because it’s all I can do From my womb with a view
Jon and Androgynene share a long moment at center,
center stage. Lights fade from pink to black with
a spot highlighting our lovers. The spot shrinks
until only their upper bodies are in view. In the
near dark, a Memory in whitecoat comes and pulls
Jon away and leads him downstage, right. The spot
follows Jon and Androgynene exits stage left. A
Memory in black brings the stool back to down
front, center. The Whitecoat memory leads Jon back
to the stool, sits him, straightens his tie,
neatens up his hair, brushes him off. The
whitecoat then gives the stagelights the thumbs
up, and the lights come up, not pink anymore, but
rather back to dim with the spot still on Jon.
Scene III
JON
And so my life began. My first love was a girl, I
think, who came and went in what seemed, at the time,
the blink of an eye. I was adopted by a wonderful, and
yet ordinary family. Dad was an aerospace engineer and
mom was your run of the mill geneticist. I had an
older half brother who delighted in using me for a
punching bag. I forgave him because... well, he was a
moron. But then, who wasn’t, compared to me.
It wasn’t always bad. It just seemed that way.
(laughs) In fact, I remember a particular birthday
Party I had that was a total disaster.
Memory dressed as Mother comes downstage and pulls
Jon off the stool gently, pulling off his tie and
shirt. She dresses him in a nerd shirt, pulls his
pants up high water and slicks his hair back. She
fits an elaborate dental brace on his head and
departs. Think of the Jonny Depp version of Willy
Wonka sort of headpeice.
Another Memory, dressed as half-brother, carries
an old dial phone. Half brother hands Jon the
phone and punches him on the arm. Jon winches
from the blow and dials the phone.
During the song, Memories dressed as Mom, Dad, and
normal folk set the stage for a party. Balloons,
streamers, cake and ice cream, plates and the four
pack of champale, of course. Slowly, timed so
that it ends as close to the end of the song as
possible. One memory brings in a large faced
clock, said clock needs to have very movable
hands, and stands upstage right, holding it so
that the audience can see it.
I’M HAVING A PARTY
The time has come to celebrate my birthday
We just redid the basement, couch and all
You’re all invited, even Mark Manelli
Just leave your coats and shoes in my front hall We’ll put
on records and no one will dance
It’s gonna be funny when Mark wets his pants
hangs up, dials the phone again.
I’m having a party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna
eat candy and get headaches in the basement I’m having a
party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna play spin the
bottle till it’s time to go to bed
hangs up, dials phone again
My mom is making onion dip and Fritos
Her secret recipe that never fails
My brother says he won’t come down and punch me And we can
drink his four-pack of champales Expect a visit from Fudgie
the Whale
Ice cream and crunchies in his fudgy tail
hangs up, dials phone again
I’m having a party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna
eat candy and get headaches in the basement I’m having a
party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna play spin the
bottle till it’s time to go to bed
Bed time is quiet time
A time for lovers
You can share my sleeping bag
Eyes wide, Jon hangs up very quickly. He takes a
deep breath and dials phone again.
I’m having a party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna
eat candy and get headaches in the basement I’m having a
party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna play spin the
bottle till it’s time to go to bed.
Jon hangs up the phone and crosses upstage to
where the table and chairs for the party are. He
sits on a chair for a few moments, maybe playing
with some of the decorations. Then he gets up and
paces while the big faced clock spins through one
hour from say, four to five. He paces down stage,
looks at the audience and says, in his best braces
encumbered voice
JON
I know they’ll show up! I have cake!
He paces back up stage and stares at the big faced
clock. It spins through another hour. Five to
Six.
JON
I know they’ll show up! I have fudgy the Whale!
He paces back and forth, goes to the table, picks
up a noise maker and blows it, once, sadly.
A Memory dressed as Mom come on stage.
MOM
Jon, nobody is showing up. Look at the clock. (clock
is showing 8) We’re shutting it down. I guess you have
no friends.
Memories show up to clear the stage of the party.
VOICE FROM ABOVE
Awwww. That sucked.
JON
pulls headgear off, messes his hair up to what
would be normal now. He holds out his hand and a
Memory gives him a black tie.
It wasn’t terrible. It didn’t suck. It built
character. Listen to my dad:
Memory dressed like Dad comes on
DAD
Don’t worry son. So what if nobody showed up? You
only called... what? 2 or 3 people.
JON
30, dad.
DAD
30? Oh. Well, so what? They aren’t your
friends. Your friends would have showed up. What this
did was build character.
Dad goes off stage
JON
I could have used less character. (pause) Wait! what
am I saying? No way would I have wanted less
character. It made me the man I am today!
VOICE FROM ABOVE
Such a man! Tell us more of your story.
JON
I will... I grew, of course. We all do. It was a
challenge being place with normal people, living my
life as if I actually cared about any of those less
than me.
I excelled in school, passing with very high
marks. Mother and Father would have been proud of me
if they hadn’t have had that horrible accident.
I kept to myself, of course. Nobody could possibly
understand me, I was so far advanced.
This isn’t to say I didn’t have feelings for
others. There were a few... women... that I let get
under my skin. None of them amounted to
anything. Except one. Just one.
(MUSIC FOR TOWN CROTCH)
Lights fade and spotlight focuses on Jon. It’s a
song for memories, a song of the only other woman
he may have loved.
The seniors threw a party down the end of Dutton Road
It was almost cold enough to snow
None of us could drive then so we had to get a ride
In the back of someone’s GTO
She was in the keg line with a yellow plastic cup
It was like I’d never seen a girl before
Puffy leather jacket and a healthy head of hair
With the hair she was six foot four
I recognized her face right away
She was the town crotch
She was good to go anytime
She was the town crotch
But I loved her like she was mine
There’s a lot of things I don’t remember now
But I remember the town crotch
And I remember the town crotch
I had a pint of So Co in the pocket of my coat
You can hardly taste the alcohol
Watched her from a distance but I never said a word
I was young and I felt so small
I was no-one then, who was I?
She was the town crotch
She was good to go anytime
She was the town crotch
And I loved her like she was mine
There’s a lot of things I don’t remember now
But I remember the town crotch (I remember the town crotch)
We stood around and drank a lot and leaned against the cars
(I remember the town crotch)
Tried to beat the winter, made it just under the wire (I
remember the town crotch)
Got drunk and loud under a thousand million stars (I
remember the town crotch)
Someone played Steve Miller, someone set some stuff on fire
The cops came by to bust us so we left the beer and ran
My head hurt and I couldn’t find my ride
She pulled up in a Gremlin and she rolled the window down
She said "Hey kid, get inside."
Then she asked my name and drove me home
She was the town crotch
She was good to go anytime
She was the town crotch
But I loved her like she was mine
There’s a lot of things I don’t remember now
But I remember the town crotch
Yeah I remember the town crotch
Yeah I remember the town crotch
Music fades, lights hold spot for count of three,
four. Lights come back to normal, and Jon sighs,
hard.
JON
She was something else. She was... (sighs again) But
like all that came and went, she was a distraction to
my true calling. She was also a felon and later was
arrested for operating a Meth Lab, while I graduated in
the top of my class and went on to do what I was meant
to do. I got a job at a major, and I mean MAJOR
computer software company as a programmer. It was a
cherry of a job. I thought I had become immune to the
wiles of the opposite sex. I should have known. I was
young and foolish. I met my mata hari.
Memories flood the stage transforming the set from
empty to a front office of a cube farm. There is
a receptionist desk center stage left, and Jon’s
cube is stage right, directly across. The
receptionist is a pretty memory, let’s call her
Peggy. Jon is very much in lust or love with her.
Jon and Peggy perform within the guide lines as
the song indicates. Jon’s boss, a Memory named
Rob, shows up dressed in shabby suit and tie in
the first stanza then fades off stage.
Code Monkey
Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting
With boring manager Rob
Rob say Code Monkey very diligent
But his output stink
His code not "functional" or "elegant"
What do Code Monkey think?
Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write god damned
login page himself
Code Monkey not say it out loud
Code Monkey not crazy, just proud
Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey hang around at front desk
Tell you sweater look nice
Code Monkey offer buy you soda
Bring you cup, bring you ice
You say no thank you for the soda cause
Soda make you fat
Anyway you busy with the telephone
No time for chat
Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle he sit down
pretend to work
Code Monkey not thinking so straight
Code Monkey not feeling so great
Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you a lot
Code Monkey have every reason
To get out this place
Code Monkey just keep on working
See your soft pretty face
Much rather wake up, eat a coffee cake
Take bath, take nap
This job "fulfilling in creative way"
Such a load of crap
Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty
girl like you
Code Monkey just waiting for now
Code Monkey say someday, somehow
Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you
In the end of the song, Jon has won Peggy’s heart,
the stage is awashed in Pink, and the lights go
out, lastly with a spot light on Jon and Peggy,
kissing. If there was a shaped spot light with a
heart, this would be the place to use.
END ACT ONE
Anyway, here it is, Kids. My next thing. After this, the story of Bill the Songster, who returns to his home town after years of being away, returning wiser and older. Called "When he came back"
ACT I
Scene 1
Stage left is dark, dark as dark can be. Stage
left is shadowed cell with barred windows just up
above fingertip reach. Dim light comes through
the bars and plays on the wall far left. This
little room on stage left will remain throughout
the play. There is a figure crouched down hidden
in the shadows. This is our protagonist,
Jon. Lights come up slowly, slowly in a 7 count
to stop at mid point on the control. This gives a
dim and yet not dark setting. Character can be
seen, but not well. A pin spot will gobo bars
onto his face when he stands. Character is in a
straight jacket, sleeves floppy and not
tied. Face is calm, and hair is Not
messy. Imagine this man at work, except wearing a
straight jacket
JON
Stands, slowly, carefully. His sleeves sloppy, no
need for hands, his straight jacket falls loose
and untied.
It’s not common for me to be so... out of sorts when
company arrives. I’m glad you got here safely, the
mountain paths can be treacherous, to be sure.
Stretches, looks about for a chair
JON
I’m sorry, there seems to be a lack of seating, do
forgive me.
Looks out at the audience, peering and then laughs
slightly in shock
I see you’ve already found your seats! Good for
you! I was afraid I’d have to have Scarface go into
the village to find more chairs.
(Soto voice, conspiratorially)
Just between you and me, the Villagers don’t like
Scarface much. I’m not sure why. Granted, he isn’t
the prettiest thing, and he may have committed a murder
or two, but really... is that any reason to dislike a
person?
Looks about him in confusion
Wait. This doesn’t look like my lab. Where am
I? Where are we? Where’s Scarface? Scarface! Come
here, at once!
Door opens. Well dressed man enters wearing a
suit and a security badge.
FRANK
What is it this time? Do you want to watch Doctor
Horrible again?
JON
No, nothing of the sort, you fool. Where am I? What
is this place, because it certainly isn’t my lab. And
where is Scarface, because you aren’t him. Are
you? You could be Scarface in disguise. You aren’t
terribly good looking, so you could be him.
FRANK
No, I’m not Scarface, whoever that is. I’m Frank,
remember. The guard outside your door.
JON
Guard? I don’t need a guard! I’m... I’m... Well, I’ll
remember that by and by, I’m sure. And Scarface is my
faithful Man Servant. You might have seen him in the
hallway. Not so tall.. about this tall, hump on the
back, one eye squinty, the other not so much. Terrible
hairstyle. I really must recommend mine to him, poor
chap.
FRANK
Buddy, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was
told to stand outside your door, just in case you did
anything nutty. Nuttier than normal that is. So far,
you’ve asked to watch that stupid Doctor Horrible twice
and asked for your submarine to be brought around.
JON
And did you? Bring my submarine around?
FRANK
You ain’t got no submarine, buddy. You’re sitting in a
cell in the county’s loonie bin for the criminally
insane, and I’m just the underpaid guy that gets to
babysit you.
JON
Wait. You mean, this isn’t my mountain lair? There
isn’t any submarine? There isn’t even
any...SOB...Scarface?
FRANK
Man, you are as nutty as they come, aren’t you? The
tape on the door says your name is Jon, but they may
have left that there from the last guy. I dunno. I’m
fairly new here.
JON
Apparently, so am I, my good man. A bit confusing
isn’t it? You here because you are, and me here
because I am. Why are you here? Why am I here? Why
are any of us here.
Looks out at the audience
Why are YOU here?
VOICE FROM ABOVE
We’re here to see you, Doc. We want to see your story.
JON
My story?
FRANK
What?
JON
Did you just say you wanted to hear my story?
FRANK
No. I didn’t say anything. You just asked me why I’m
here. I didn’t have a chance to say anything.
JON
I wish there were more chairs.
FRANK
You know they don’t allow chairs in here.
JON
How bout a sofa? Could I get a sofa?
FRANK
(laughs)
You’re kidding now, right? A sofa?
JON
(laughs - a dull laugh, humorless)
Of course, um, Frank, if that’s your real name. I was
kidding. Why would they let me have a sofa if I’m
really in the, as you say, nuthouse.
(pause, then earnestly.)
Maybe a nice cup of Chai tea?
FRANK
You kill me, buddy. Tell you what, though. I’ll see
if I can get you a soda, okay? It’s been a pretty
boring shift so far, and you’re the best entertainment
on the floor.
Frank leaves
JON
Hmph. Glad I could be of service (raises his hands,
the sleeves fall back, and Jon makes air quotations)
"Frank" or whoever you are.
Starts pacing his cell, three paces left, three
paces right.
So, I’m not at the lair. I’m somewhere
else. Kidnapped, of course. Dastards. Bastards! If
only I had my robot army at hand. If only the world
recognized my genius for what it is. Genius!
VOICE FROM ABOVE
Genius!
JON
Yes. Genius! Oh, I wasn’t always like this, ruler of
the known world. I’ve become cynical and
misunderstood. Oh no. There was a time when I was just
a (bunny fingers) "nerd" or just a (bunny fingers)
"geek". I wasn’t misunderstood. I wasn’t acknowledge by
society at all. I was invisible. (Sighs heavily) I
blame it on the circumstances of my birth, which was
unusual to say the least.
To the Audience
It all comes down to this; I’m not completely human.
Oh, it’s not my fault. It’s nothing I’ve done. You see,
I was born in an artificial environment.
Beginning "Womb with a View" ballet. The cell Jon
is in is whisked away, the three walls separating
and flying away, aided by dark clad helpers -
techs acting as bits of Jon’s memories.
A tall stool is brought for him to sit on, one of
those tall stools with metal legs, like you would
find in a laboratory. It is placed center stage
and Jon addresses the audience.
(Thoughfully)I seem to remember there was a lot of
pink.
Lights wash the stage with a hot pink
but not that much pink.
Pink stage calms down, more bastard amber, less
pink. The Memories come on to help Jon out of his
straight jacket. Underneath he is wearing pink
shirt and red tie, to represent his birthday suit
and umbilical cord.
and there were bubbly sounds all around me.
Bubbly sounds quickly rise up, up, until they
almost drown out Jon’s next statement. Jon
wanders the stage,
But not that bubbly, for goodness sake. It wasn’t Sea
World, after all. It was just a lab, hidden deep and
dark from the rest of the world.
Bubbles fade into the background, until they can
be quietly heard.
Like that, yes. Much better. And I remember swimming,
swimming and enjoying just being young and innocent,
believing that there were only two of us.
Lights change slightly, giving the pink a more
watery appearance. Possibly use of a gobo or
shimmer curtain in the back to give that
appearance. Jon stops his dialog and looks out at
the audience with a piercing glare.
There were two of us! Yes there was! I was not alone
at the beginning. No indeedy not. I had a
girlfriend. Is that so hard to believe? I thought
not. At least, I think it was a girl.
Womb with a view
A Memory appears to take the stool off stage. Jon
’swims’ to the stage right side of the
stage. Stage left there appears another character
- Androgynene, dressed in pink body suit complete
with a tail. Androgynene is swimming, as is
Jon. Jon swims on the stage right side,
Androgynene swims on the stage left side. The
swimming continues until the beginning bars of
"Womb with a View" finish. Just before the lyrics
begin, the two notice each other and swim to
center stage to briefly touch hands and then
backpedal away from each other due to the shock of
not being alone anymore.
(music starts)
WOMB WITH A VIEW
We were so small when we met
I still remember, I’ll never forget
Two button eyes and a tail
I couldn’t tell female or male
I caught your eye through the glass
I waved with my flipper
You looked away kind of shy when you smiled, my world broke
in two.
The two on stage perform a slow movement ballet,
twirling and coming close, but never quite
touching. It is a dance of getting to know each
other, of deciding to be friends. Androgynene
gives him a smile and a swish of her head before
shyling swimming away. Let us assume from her
demure behavior that she is female.
From my womb with a view I can see everything From my womb
with a view I can see everything
I need
I look at you
Because it’s all I can do
From my womb with a view
The dance continues. Coming close, blowing kisses,
winking, swimming away. The dance should flow in
a natural sense, hopefully following the words as
they are sung.
A Memory, dressed in white lab coat and carrying
clipboard and pencil, passes through the scene,
interrupting the dance. The two
Sometimes a whitecoat would pass
We’d share a look when they’d tap on the glass
I learned to wiggle my toes
You would laugh bubbles out your nose
Sometimes the lights would go off and there’d be a moment
Whenever I felt alone or afraid I always had you
From my womb with a view I can see everything From my womb
with a view I can see everything I need
I look at you
Because it’s all I can do
From my womb with a view
The tone of the dance turns a bit serious. Jon
has become enamoured wtih Androgynene. Through
the musical interlude, he swims close, encircles
her, his expression adult and very strong. He
knows his time has come.
What I am trying to say I think today is a very big day
Something is calling me on
Maybe by morning I’ll be gone
Maybe when we get outside we’ll both still remember
Maybe someday we will meet on the street and I’ll know it’s
you
From my womb with a view I can see everything From my womb
with a view I can see everything I need
I look at you
Because it’s all I can do From my womb with a view
Jon and Androgynene share a long moment at center,
center stage. Lights fade from pink to black with
a spot highlighting our lovers. The spot shrinks
until only their upper bodies are in view. In the
near dark, a Memory in whitecoat comes and pulls
Jon away and leads him downstage, right. The spot
follows Jon and Androgynene exits stage left. A
Memory in black brings the stool back to down
front, center. The Whitecoat memory leads Jon back
to the stool, sits him, straightens his tie,
neatens up his hair, brushes him off. The
whitecoat then gives the stagelights the thumbs
up, and the lights come up, not pink anymore, but
rather back to dim with the spot still on Jon.
Scene III
JON
And so my life began. My first love was a girl, I
think, who came and went in what seemed, at the time,
the blink of an eye. I was adopted by a wonderful, and
yet ordinary family. Dad was an aerospace engineer and
mom was your run of the mill geneticist. I had an
older half brother who delighted in using me for a
punching bag. I forgave him because... well, he was a
moron. But then, who wasn’t, compared to me.
It wasn’t always bad. It just seemed that way.
(laughs) In fact, I remember a particular birthday
Party I had that was a total disaster.
Memory dressed as Mother comes downstage and pulls
Jon off the stool gently, pulling off his tie and
shirt. She dresses him in a nerd shirt, pulls his
pants up high water and slicks his hair back. She
fits an elaborate dental brace on his head and
departs. Think of the Jonny Depp version of Willy
Wonka sort of headpeice.
Another Memory, dressed as half-brother, carries
an old dial phone. Half brother hands Jon the
phone and punches him on the arm. Jon winches
from the blow and dials the phone.
During the song, Memories dressed as Mom, Dad, and
normal folk set the stage for a party. Balloons,
streamers, cake and ice cream, plates and the four
pack of champale, of course. Slowly, timed so
that it ends as close to the end of the song as
possible. One memory brings in a large faced
clock, said clock needs to have very movable
hands, and stands upstage right, holding it so
that the audience can see it.
I’M HAVING A PARTY
The time has come to celebrate my birthday
We just redid the basement, couch and all
You’re all invited, even Mark Manelli
Just leave your coats and shoes in my front hall We’ll put
on records and no one will dance
It’s gonna be funny when Mark wets his pants
hangs up, dials the phone again.
I’m having a party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna
eat candy and get headaches in the basement I’m having a
party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna play spin the
bottle till it’s time to go to bed
hangs up, dials phone again
My mom is making onion dip and Fritos
Her secret recipe that never fails
My brother says he won’t come down and punch me And we can
drink his four-pack of champales Expect a visit from Fudgie
the Whale
Ice cream and crunchies in his fudgy tail
hangs up, dials phone again
I’m having a party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna
eat candy and get headaches in the basement I’m having a
party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna play spin the
bottle till it’s time to go to bed
Bed time is quiet time
A time for lovers
You can share my sleeping bag
Eyes wide, Jon hangs up very quickly. He takes a
deep breath and dials phone again.
I’m having a party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna
eat candy and get headaches in the basement I’m having a
party Hey, you wanna sleep over? We’re gonna play spin the
bottle till it’s time to go to bed.
Jon hangs up the phone and crosses upstage to
where the table and chairs for the party are. He
sits on a chair for a few moments, maybe playing
with some of the decorations. Then he gets up and
paces while the big faced clock spins through one
hour from say, four to five. He paces down stage,
looks at the audience and says, in his best braces
encumbered voice
JON
I know they’ll show up! I have cake!
He paces back up stage and stares at the big faced
clock. It spins through another hour. Five to
Six.
JON
I know they’ll show up! I have fudgy the Whale!
He paces back and forth, goes to the table, picks
up a noise maker and blows it, once, sadly.
A Memory dressed as Mom come on stage.
MOM
Jon, nobody is showing up. Look at the clock. (clock
is showing 8) We’re shutting it down. I guess you have
no friends.
Memories show up to clear the stage of the party.
VOICE FROM ABOVE
Awwww. That sucked.
JON
pulls headgear off, messes his hair up to what
would be normal now. He holds out his hand and a
Memory gives him a black tie.
It wasn’t terrible. It didn’t suck. It built
character. Listen to my dad:
Memory dressed like Dad comes on
DAD
Don’t worry son. So what if nobody showed up? You
only called... what? 2 or 3 people.
JON
30, dad.
DAD
30? Oh. Well, so what? They aren’t your
friends. Your friends would have showed up. What this
did was build character.
Dad goes off stage
JON
I could have used less character. (pause) Wait! what
am I saying? No way would I have wanted less
character. It made me the man I am today!
VOICE FROM ABOVE
Such a man! Tell us more of your story.
JON
I will... I grew, of course. We all do. It was a
challenge being place with normal people, living my
life as if I actually cared about any of those less
than me.
I excelled in school, passing with very high
marks. Mother and Father would have been proud of me
if they hadn’t have had that horrible accident.
I kept to myself, of course. Nobody could possibly
understand me, I was so far advanced.
This isn’t to say I didn’t have feelings for
others. There were a few... women... that I let get
under my skin. None of them amounted to
anything. Except one. Just one.
(MUSIC FOR TOWN CROTCH)
Lights fade and spotlight focuses on Jon. It’s a
song for memories, a song of the only other woman
he may have loved.
The seniors threw a party down the end of Dutton Road
It was almost cold enough to snow
None of us could drive then so we had to get a ride
In the back of someone’s GTO
She was in the keg line with a yellow plastic cup
It was like I’d never seen a girl before
Puffy leather jacket and a healthy head of hair
With the hair she was six foot four
I recognized her face right away
She was the town crotch
She was good to go anytime
She was the town crotch
But I loved her like she was mine
There’s a lot of things I don’t remember now
But I remember the town crotch
And I remember the town crotch
I had a pint of So Co in the pocket of my coat
You can hardly taste the alcohol
Watched her from a distance but I never said a word
I was young and I felt so small
I was no-one then, who was I?
She was the town crotch
She was good to go anytime
She was the town crotch
And I loved her like she was mine
There’s a lot of things I don’t remember now
But I remember the town crotch (I remember the town crotch)
We stood around and drank a lot and leaned against the cars
(I remember the town crotch)
Tried to beat the winter, made it just under the wire (I
remember the town crotch)
Got drunk and loud under a thousand million stars (I
remember the town crotch)
Someone played Steve Miller, someone set some stuff on fire
The cops came by to bust us so we left the beer and ran
My head hurt and I couldn’t find my ride
She pulled up in a Gremlin and she rolled the window down
She said "Hey kid, get inside."
Then she asked my name and drove me home
She was the town crotch
She was good to go anytime
She was the town crotch
But I loved her like she was mine
There’s a lot of things I don’t remember now
But I remember the town crotch
Yeah I remember the town crotch
Yeah I remember the town crotch
Music fades, lights hold spot for count of three,
four. Lights come back to normal, and Jon sighs,
hard.
JON
She was something else. She was... (sighs again) But
like all that came and went, she was a distraction to
my true calling. She was also a felon and later was
arrested for operating a Meth Lab, while I graduated in
the top of my class and went on to do what I was meant
to do. I got a job at a major, and I mean MAJOR
computer software company as a programmer. It was a
cherry of a job. I thought I had become immune to the
wiles of the opposite sex. I should have known. I was
young and foolish. I met my mata hari.
Memories flood the stage transforming the set from
empty to a front office of a cube farm. There is
a receptionist desk center stage left, and Jon’s
cube is stage right, directly across. The
receptionist is a pretty memory, let’s call her
Peggy. Jon is very much in lust or love with her.
Jon and Peggy perform within the guide lines as
the song indicates. Jon’s boss, a Memory named
Rob, shows up dressed in shabby suit and tie in
the first stanza then fades off stage.
Code Monkey
Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting
With boring manager Rob
Rob say Code Monkey very diligent
But his output stink
His code not "functional" or "elegant"
What do Code Monkey think?
Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write god damned
login page himself
Code Monkey not say it out loud
Code Monkey not crazy, just proud
Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey hang around at front desk
Tell you sweater look nice
Code Monkey offer buy you soda
Bring you cup, bring you ice
You say no thank you for the soda cause
Soda make you fat
Anyway you busy with the telephone
No time for chat
Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle he sit down
pretend to work
Code Monkey not thinking so straight
Code Monkey not feeling so great
Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you a lot
Code Monkey have every reason
To get out this place
Code Monkey just keep on working
See your soft pretty face
Much rather wake up, eat a coffee cake
Take bath, take nap
This job "fulfilling in creative way"
Such a load of crap
Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty
girl like you
Code Monkey just waiting for now
Code Monkey say someday, somehow
Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you
In the end of the song, Jon has won Peggy’s heart,
the stage is awashed in Pink, and the lights go
out, lastly with a spot light on Jon and Peggy,
kissing. If there was a shaped spot light with a
heart, this would be the place to use.
END ACT ONE
