ext_35949 ([identity profile] capi.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] joegoda 2008-11-13 01:31 am (UTC)

"Ladies and Gentlemen," he announced into the microphone, "I am very pleased that you have come to attend our little get together. It is my hope that it is the first in many, many celebrations here at the Stone Foundation. As you have worked hard for the Foundation these past two years, we feel this is how best to reward you....

Uh... i object, your honor. How BEST to reward them? Well, no, not really. But another way to show his appreciation of their hard work and dedication, certainly! He *pays* them, yes? That rewards them. He employs them in a really excellent work environment, whereas lots of other folks out there are not so lucky. That, too, is a reward. This party is a bonus, and cannot be considered Justin's best reward to his employees.... Yeah yeah, nit-picky, i know, but Justin is a pretty exact sorta guy, isn't he?
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"As you know," he continued once the cheer had died down, "the Foundation's primary interest is in the betterment of mankind. This very room is lit with one of the many improvements that you have created. The Monorail that runs through this city is a direct result of what you have done. Children are able to play without fear of smallpox or rubella (( i'm not certain of my facts here, and you usually are, but i was under the impression that smallpox AND rubella were both conquered sometime later than this... )) as a direct result of what you have done. And right now, the Foundation is in negotiation with Britain and Germany for the rights to build the first intercontinental passenger steam powered airships, enabling passengers and good to make the trip.... (( passengers and good?? ))
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Erik Simpson, general manager of the Stone Foundation, strode up to the two brothers. He looked like Icabod Crane, with his black suit and his skinny, elongated limbs moving in all directions. Erik had been hired by Justin and Jonathan from a watch making company in Sweden. He was meticulous in just about ever aspect... (( every?? ))
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"And, pray tell Detective." Justin's smile faded as he caught a look in Ezra's eyes that made him wonder how serious it was. He glanced back at Jonathan, who again, shook his head negatively. Satisfied that his brother was innocent, He turned back to Ezra. "What is it that took you from your lovely wife and children and brought them (( them?? uh... you?? )) to me?"
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The men turned and saw a pretty young woman with a healthy Midwestern face and sparkling blue eyes walk towards them. She was dressed in a light blue dressing gown,...

Uh... i'm not sure if you intended this or not, or if you KNOW this or not, but a dressing gown is like... um... kind of like a bathrobe. It's what they wore while they got ready, before they actually put on their fancy duds. Y'know, while they did hair and make-up and stuff? So as not to rumple their finery. She would NOT be at the party wearing it, unless she's... um... whacked. *chuckle* Like i said, unless that was your intention.
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Mary Adams," she said. "I work in the secretarial pool." She raised her blue eyes, now starting to fill with tears and fears and looked into the sky blue of Jonathan's eyes. "I think Ernest was going to propose to me toni..." she choked with sudden awareness of what the appearance of policemen must mean, and looked away, blinking back wetness.

*silence* Hrm. Uh. Darlin'... under NO circumstances would a lady speak this out loud. MAYBE to her mother, MAYBE to her dearest most trusted girlfriend. MAYBE. But here? NO kinda way. No. I can see you needed to engage their sympathy.... *wince* That was vastly too blatant.
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Once she had gathered her reserves, she turned back and looked directly at Ezra. "Please tell me he's all right." A pause. Then, a whispered plea, "Please."

THIS, otoh, was perfect.
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*raised eyebrows* Ah, Jon steps in with comfort! Well done, Jon!! *applause* And Justin.... watches..... hrmmmmm...

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