2004-12-16
last night.. or this morning, early
Nother one of those days when I'd just as soon have been someone else. I don't know what it is about the night these days. Maybe it's the season. Went walking about 11:00. Was tempted to go to this lil pub just down the street, but I think it would encourage a bad habit. Instead, I just went to QT. I thought about walking my normal 4 mile walk.. but I suspect the police would have wondered what I was doing out and about at that time of night, so QT it was. There's something lost in me, I think. Transition period moving from hermitage to room mate hood to hermitage to whereever the hell I am now.
I got used to having no folks, then having a folk, then no folks, then a buncha folks. In the midst of losing job, losing bro, losing face, I find myself a curious mix of wanting to be very much left alone and cuddled till I cry my eyes out. Course, the season might have something to do with the mood. No Santas no raindeer. *sigh* Wanting to drive out to a look out and just gaze at the country covered in snow and see the stars fall from the heavens.. Wait! NO snow..
In short, beloveds, I don't know where I am, who I am and what I am. It seems to change from day time to night time, and the night time is always the worst. Being a Cancerian sorta person, the pull of the moon, visible or not, is an influence on me. The most I can offer is apologies for my incredibly bad moodiness. It's the magic, you see. I hear, I see, but I cannot participate. Makes for a cranky me.
I got used to having no folks, then having a folk, then no folks, then a buncha folks. In the midst of losing job, losing bro, losing face, I find myself a curious mix of wanting to be very much left alone and cuddled till I cry my eyes out. Course, the season might have something to do with the mood. No Santas no raindeer. *sigh* Wanting to drive out to a look out and just gaze at the country covered in snow and see the stars fall from the heavens.. Wait! NO snow..
In short, beloveds, I don't know where I am, who I am and what I am. It seems to change from day time to night time, and the night time is always the worst. Being a Cancerian sorta person, the pull of the moon, visible or not, is an influence on me. The most I can offer is apologies for my incredibly bad moodiness. It's the magic, you see. I hear, I see, but I cannot participate. Makes for a cranky me.