I fixed the if it's.. Surprised it didn't pop up in the grammar checker, but then.. if it's is perfectly acceptable under some circumstances... just not here.
In this area "Things in the window may be larger than they actually are.", I changed the word be to the word appear. I think it just reads better.
I debated the word outlooks versus lookouts. I think Peter, who is actually a very proper gentleman... Uh.. Gentlecentaur, would use the word outlooks. Think British.
As for the starch, you're right. Here's my re-write of the centaur's introduction: "The only thing that distinguished this group from the classical image of centaurs was the fact that they were also three feet tall. That, and the fact that they were dressed in full military uniform, starched white high-collar shirts, tall hats with plumage, white gloves, and red vests with very shiny brass buttons."
Kneeled is correct. So is Knelt. Both are acceptable in the english language. The only real question is; which one fits my style?
And yes, Bags does lack diplomacy. That's why Griz is there. He's a no-nonsense sorta diplomat. The sort that would ask "Why is it that we're here in the first place? And don't give me that protection from terrorists crap. If that was true, you'd have these boys at home, protecting US from terroists"
Ahhhh... that's the key. The cliffhanger is a well used thing. I will say this about the story. It will be one of the very first times in his life that Pockets gets almost no attention.
no subject
In this area "Things in the window may be larger than they actually are.", I changed the word be to the word appear. I think it just reads better.
I debated the word outlooks versus lookouts. I think Peter, who is actually a very proper gentleman... Uh.. Gentlecentaur, would use the word outlooks. Think British.
As for the starch, you're right. Here's my re-write of the centaur's introduction:
"The only thing that distinguished this group from the classical image of centaurs was the fact that they were also three feet tall. That, and the fact that they were dressed in full military uniform, starched white high-collar shirts, tall hats with plumage, white gloves, and red vests with very shiny brass buttons."
Kneeled is correct. So is Knelt. Both are acceptable in the english language. The only real question is; which one fits my style?
And yes, Bags does lack diplomacy. That's why Griz is there. He's a no-nonsense sorta diplomat. The sort that would ask "Why is it that we're here in the first place? And don't give me that protection from terrorists crap. If that was true, you'd have these boys at home, protecting US from terroists"
Ahhhh... that's the key. The cliffhanger is a well used thing. I will say this about the story. It will be one of the very first times in his life that Pockets gets almost no attention.